WILLUNGA--A CLEAN SLATE
By
Allen Lyne
© Allen Lyne
8 Redgate Court
Moana Heights
South Australia 5169
Ph (08) 8 327 4142
MUSIC. DRUM ROLE
V.O.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... WILLUNGA A CLEAN SLATE.
DRUM ROLL CLIMAXES. SPOTLIGHT SNAPS UP ON ALF AND GERTIE.
Alf
Willunga, a clean slate.
Gertie
Willunga, a clean slate.
Alf
We've got some bad news.
Gertie
There will be no play tonight.
Alf
We're really sorry.
Gertie
Desperately sorry.
Alf
But we can't do a play about the history of Willunga.
Gertie
It's impossible to put all that history on stage.
Alf
So instead we'll give a lecture about Willunga's history
Gertie
And use the music we had 'specially written for the show... Maestro!
THEME BEGINS. GERTIE CHANGES CALENDAR TO 1837
Alf
So to kick things off... Willunga was explored by Colonel Light in 1837.
KIDS BEGIN TO INTERJECT FROM THE AUDIENCE. "WE WANT A
PLAY NOT A LECTURE. WE WANT A PLAY", ETC. THEY
ENCOURAGE THE AUDIENCE TO JOIN THEM IN A CHANT OF "WE
WANT A PLAY. ALF AND GERTIE APPEAL FOR CALM. KIDS 1 & 2
COME UP ONTO THE STAGE AND MOTION THE AUDIENCE TO BE
QUIET.
Kid 2
Give them a go. They might know what they're talking about.
Kid 1
Yeah, give them a go.
Kid 4
Yah... Rubbish.
Kid 5
What would they know?
Kid 3
We want a play. We want a play.
KIDS 1 & 2 MOTION FOR SILENCE AGAIN.
Kid 1
Come on, give them a go.
Kid 2
Yeah, come on. be fair.
Gertie
Stop being so rude.
Alf
Young people today.
Gertie
Should be smacked on the bum.
Alf
Bottom... It can't be done.
Kid 5
Yes it can.
GENERAL CONFUSION WITH MUCH SHOUTING. KIDS
ATTEMPT TO LEAD ANOTHER CHANT OF "WE WANT A
PLAY" WITH THE AUDIENCE. KIDS 4 & 5 ARGUE
HEATEDLY WITH GERTIE AND ALF WHILE KIDS 1 & 2 TRY
TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER. ALF AND GERTIE ARE
NONPLUSED. EVENTUALLY ALF LOSES HIS TEMPER.
Alf
Alright, you're so smart, you do the play.
Kid 5
(takes charge) Yeah, righto, let's do the play!
Gertie
If that's how you feel....
Alf
Come on. Up here. It's all yours.
ALF AND GERTIE MOVE INTO THE AUDIENCE AND SIT
DOWN. THE KIDS TAKE OVER. THEY MILL AROUND IN
SOME CONFUSION UNDECIDED HOW TO START.
Alf
Come on, we want a play.
Gertie
Yeah. We want a play.
ALF AND GERTIE BEGIN THE "WE WANT A PLAY" CHANT.
THEY ENCOURAGE THE AUDIENCE TO JOIN THEM.
Kid 1
So we're going to do the play?
Kid 2
Where do we start?
Kid 3
Good question.
Kid 4
Very good question.
Kid 5
We start with them.
Kid 1
The audience?
Kid 5
The audience... Maestro... A fanfare.
FANFARE.
Kid 5
Now, you hear that? Every time you hear that fanfare,
you yell out "Willunga:. Got it?
THE KIDS PRIME THE AUDIENCE: "OKAY, LET'S GIVE IT
A TRY. EVERYONE READY?", ETC.
Kid 5
Maestro....
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 4
Oh, come on. You can do better than that. Let's really
hear it. Maestro....
FANFARE
All
Willunga!
Kid 3
Better.
Kid 2
But we can do much better yet.
Kid 1
We've got to raise the roof at least six inches.
Kid 5
Let's give it a go. Maestro....
FANFARE
All
Willunga!
ALL KIDS MIME ROOF FALLING IN.
Kid 3
Let's keep it at that level.
Kid 2
Remember, every time you hear this fanfare....
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 5
You got it.
Kid 4
Okay, let's start the play.
ALL KIDS RETREAT UPSTAGE THEN BURST OUT
FOR THE OPENING.
Kid 1
Ladies and gentlemen...
Kid 2
Welcome to...
Kid 3
A play about...
Kid 4
The history of...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 5
Tonight you will see...
Kid 1
History on parade.
Kid 2
Our history on show.
Kid 3
The history of...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 4
There will be scenes from the long forgotten past.
EXPLORERS TABLEAU.
Kid 5
Scenes from the dimly remembered past.
A SETTLER GALLOPS THROUGH ON HORSEBACK.
Kid 1
There will be no Marina.
Councillor
There will be a Marina.
PUNCH UP BETWEEN COUNCILLORS AND
GREENIES. THEY FREEZE.
Kid 2
All these scenes and many more
Kid 3
As we explore...
Kid 4
History.
All Kids
Our history.
Kid 5
The history of...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
GERTIE AND ALF ARE IN THE AUDIENCE.
Gertie
You can't do it like that.
Alf
All that shouting and noise
Gertie
Kids!
Alf
What would you know about history?
Gertie
Our history?
Kid 1
It's our history too.
Alf
Poppycock.
Gertie
You're too young to know anything.
Alf
About history.
Gertie
The history of Willunga.
Kid 2
We can read as well as you can.
Alf
History is in your bones.
Gertie
Young people!
Alf
More interested in this rock and roll nonsense.
Gertie
Marijuana.
Alf
Sex.
Kid 3
Come on. Let's show 'em.
Kid 4
Reckon we don't know our stuff.
Kid 5
Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting...
Kid 1
The history of...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
MUSIC BEGINS AND CONTINUES UNDER THE REST
OF THE SCENE.
Kid 2
Do you know where the first expedition in South Australia's
history finished?
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 3
Did you know that the expedition camped at the site of a town?
Kid 4
Guess which one...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 3
Oh, you knew that, too.
Kid 5
They were on their way to Encounter Bay. Guess where they stopped?
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Kid 3
You're all so bright.
Kid 1
Stand by for the exploration scene of...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Trooper 1
Gawd, I'm hungry, Jack
Trooper 2
You're always hungry, Bill.
Trooper 1
My tummy's so empty it rumbles. Hear that?
Trooper 2
That were thunder.
Trooper 3
No it weren't ... Ssssshhhh! What is that?
Trooper 2
Aborigines.
Trooper 1
Reckon they're friendly?
Trooper 3
Don't know.
Trooper 1
We're a lot further from Adelaide than we've ever been before.
Trooper 2
Nothing to worry about.
Trooper 1
Probably never seen a white fella.
Trooper 2
They're alright. Keeping out of our way.
Trooper 3
Might be headhunters.
Trooper 1
Or cannibals.
Trooper 2
Stow it. They're alright.
Trooper 1
Gawd, I'm hungry.
WE HEAR SINGING, OFF.
Trooper 2
Eeeek! It's the aborigines.
Trooper 1
They're having a corroboree.
Trooper 2
They're coming for us.
COLONEL LIGHT DANCES ONSTAGE FOLLOWED BY A
FOOTSORE AND WEARY FISHER.
Light
The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la...
Fisher
I'm so tired.
Light
The flowers that bloom in the...
FISHER HAS STAGGERED ONSTAGE AND COLLAPSED.
Light
Now now Mister Fisher. Buck up! Must keep those spirits up you know.
Fisher
We've come a long way and I'm dog tired.
Light
The flowers that bloom in the spring... Come on chaps. On we
go. Just a few more miles and we'll camp at the foot of those
hills yonder.
FISHER AND THE TROOPERS FALL IN BEHIND LIGHT. ALL
MIME WALK. FISHER DANCES IN THE LEAD AS THE OTHERS
TRUDGE WEARILY ON.
Trooper 1
Gawd, I'm hungry.
Trooper 2
Quiet, Bill.
Light
Ah, nature. Bountiful nature. The glorious carol of the magpie.
Fisher
The drone of the mosquito.
Fisher
Curlew, wild geese, bush turkey.
Fisher
Flies, flies and more damned flies.
Light
The loveliness of the native shrubs and vegetation.
Fisher
The stinging plants that grab you as you pass.
Light
The native bears, wallabies and kangaroos. Oh, who would be
in
Trooper 1
Me for one.
Trooper 2
Is he a surveyor or a philosopher?
Trooper 3
Search me.
Trooper 1
I'm hungry, Jack.
Trooper 2
Worms, Bill.
Light
Right men, we'll pitch camp here. Right at the base of these
wonderful hills. Ah, Mathew Flinders was right when he
spoke of thickly wooded hills. Look at those magnificent gums.
Some so big they must be thousands of years old.
Trooper 1
Yeah, well they'll have to go at any rate, if we're to farm the
bleeding place.
Light
(still dancing) The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la...
Fisher
Give it a rest, Light old chap. I'm trying to sleep.
Light
Ah, where's your soul, Mister Fisher? How can any man remain
unmoved on looking upon this beautiful, bountiful aspect? Green,
green trees as far as the eye can see. It is truly a place of green trees
Trooper 1
Not to mention thousands of opossums.
Trooper 2
Those trees will supply Adelaide with fire wood for many years to come.
Trooper 3
Fifty, sixty years, not a tree on those slopes.
Light
Trees, ah, trees! Beautiful big green trees.
Trooper 1
And the opossums, sir. Don't forget the opossums.
Light
Now let me see. What should we call this wondrous place?
Trees?
Trooper 1
Don't suppose we could knock a few of those opossums off
and make a stew, sir?
Light
Trees? A name for the place.
Trooper 1
Dinner, sir. Shall we start a fire for dinner?
Light
Green? Lots of green. Beautiful vegetation and trees.
What to call it?
Trooper 1
Begging your pardon, sir.
Light
Eh? Oh, what is it, Bill?
Trooper 1
I'm hungry, sir
Light
You're always hungry. A name for this place?
Trooper 1
Really hungry, Colonel Light, sir.
Light
You might help instead of whinging about your stomach all the time.
Trooper 1
Can't help it. I've got this terrible, terrible hunger.
Light
The old North American Indian tradition. Name the place after the
first thing you see or experience... Trees?
Trooper 1
I am so terrible, terrible hungry. I can't stand it.
Light
Bill hungry. We'll call it.
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
BLACKOUT. LIGHTS UP ON ALF AND GERTIE ONSTAGE.
Alf
That's nonsense. You can't tamper with history like that.
Gertie
No!
Alf
It's not.... (he is lost for words)
Gertie
Decent! History is a precise study of what happened in the past.
You can't muck about with it.
Alf
No. You can't have fun with it. It must be absolutely accurate.
There's no room for these.... (he is lost for words again)
Gertie
Interpretations. Everyone knows what Willunga really means.
Alf
Course they do. Willunga is an aboriginal word meaning
'Place of Green Trees'.
Gertie
No it isn't.
Alf
What?
Gertie
It means 'Place of the Opossum.
Alf
Does not.
Gertie
Does so.
THEY REPEAT DOES NOT DOES SO TRYING TO TOP
EACH OTHER THE WAY CHILDREN DO.
Kid 1
And they talk about kids.
Kid 2
No room for interpretations?
Kid 3
Next came the settlers.
Kid 4
They cleared and ploughed the land
Kid 5
At....
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
THE SETTLERS ENTER AND BEGIN TO DO SETTLER
LIKE THINGS. THEY CLEAR LAND, CHOP DOWN TREES.
THERE ARE FREQUENT SOUNDS OF AXES AND TREES
CRASHING TO THE GROUND. THE KIDS DON PIECES OF
COSTUME ON STAGE AND JOIN IN. HEWETT AND LOUD
YOKE UP KIDS AND ADULTS AS BULLOCKS AND BEGINS
TO PLOUGH FROM OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
Hewett
Hewett's the name and farming's the game. First settler to plough
land in Willunga.
Loud
Loud's the name and farming's my game too. Arrived here in early
1840. In April of that year... What's the matter.
LOUD GOES TO HIS WIFE WHO IS IN CONTRACTIONS AND
GENTLY LAYS HER ON THE GROUND. WOMEN COME TO
HELP AS LOUD PACES UP AND DOWN LIKE AN EXPECTANT
FATHER.
Women
(rhythmic chant) Push, push, push, push, etc.
Mrs Loud
Oooooooooooh!
Women
It's a boy.
Loud
Mr. Hewett. Mr. Hewett. I'ma I'ma I'ma...
Hewett
Yes?
Loud
I'ma, I'ma, I'ma...
Hewett
You're a... ?
Loud
I'ma, I'ma...
Hewett
For god's sake spit it out man. I've got to get on with me ploughing.
Loud
I'ma, I'ma....
HEWETT HITS HIM.
Loud
Daddy!
Hewett
Well I'll be blowed. First born in Willunga. Boy or girl?
Loud
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb....
Hewett
Boy?
LOUD NODS.
Hewett
This calls for a celebration.
HEWETT PRODUCES A BOTTLE OF RUM. THEY SIT, IMBIBING.
Mrs Loud
Thank you, ladies...
THE WOMEN APPLAUD.
Mrs Loud
Well, can't sit around here all day. There's work to be done.
SHE HOLDS HER BABY TO HER BREAST WITH ONE HAND
AND RESUMES PLOUGHING WITH THE OTHER.
Mrs Loud
Yeeeeeehah! Now where is that man.... ?
LIGHTS FADE ON BULLOCK TEAM. SPECIAL ON COLVILLE.
Colville
David Colville's the name and farming was my game too. Me and my
missus, god bless her, I couldn't have done without her, reckoned
maybe sheep would go well here at Willunga, so we imported fifteen
hundred head from
in Willunga, mind. It was the first bridge in the entire colony of South
Mrs Colville
It was only over a creek! He's right though. He couldn't have done it
without me. We women worked as hard as our men. It was a hard life,
clearing the land and settling the place. We worked alongside our men
clearing and planting and tending the animals. And we looked after the
meals and housework and bore and reared children as well. Oh, there
wasn't much rest from labour in those days. I saw my David start work
well before first light and come home in the pitch dark after a hard day on
the land, then have to mend the roof in the pouring rain past midnight. I've
been so tired myself after weeks of back breaking toil with never a day's
rest, that all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep and sleep. But of
course I couldn't. You had to go on. Oh, it was hard alright, but we weren't
unhappy. We were building a future for us and those who followed, our
children and our grandchildren and others. Whenever we felt unhappy
because of the hardship,
we thought back to what it was like in
No land except for the gentry. No chance of ever owning the place you
lived in, or much else. We knew how much better off we were with the
fresh air and sunshine and our own land and a decent place to bring up
a family.
LIGHTS DOWN ON MRS COLVILLE. UP ON THE SETTLERS AT WORK
ON THE LAND.
Settler 1
The governor approaches from the north.
Settler 2
So what?
Settler 3
So it's the governor.
Settler 4
What do you want us to do?
Settler 5
We should do something special.
Settler 6
Like what?
Settler 1
Err... Afternoon tea?
Settler 5
A guard of honour.
Settler 2
Break it down. There's only a couple of coppers in the place and
you want a guard of honour?
Settler 3
What would we use for rifles?
Settler 4
Count me out. Bloomin' vice regal twits.
Settler 5
How dare you talk about the governor that way.
Settler 1
I don't know what I'd do without the governor.
Settler 2
Pay less taxes more than likely.
Settler 3
He's sending the colony broke.
Settler 1
It's up to us to welcome the vice regal party with some decorum.
Settler 5
Here they come.
NOTE: IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT GOVERNOR GAWLER'S
ATTENTION IS ALWAYS SOEMWHERE ELSE WHENEVER
THE WORD 'BOTTOM' IS USED
THE PRO VICE REGAL GUARD LINES UP USING PITCHFORKS
AND SPADES FOR RIFLES.
Settler 1
Attention... Present arms.
THE SETTLERS PRESENT THEIR PITCHFORKS AND
SPADES AS GOVERNOR GAWLER AND PARTY ENTER.
Gawler
I say... Jolly good show
Miss Gawler
Rural hicks.
Mr. Inman
Now now.
Gawler
At ease, chaps... What a fine body of people.
HE IS OGGLING A YOUNG GIRL IN THE GUARD.
Miss Gawler
Father!
Miss Inman
My bum hurts.
Gawler
What's your name, my dear?
Miss Gawler
I'll tell mother!
Capt. Sturt
Bottom!
Gawler
I beg your pardon?
Capt. Sturt
Err... Nothing, your excellency.
Gawler
I say, what an absolutely spiffing place. All these lovely...
HE IS OGGLING THE SAME YOUNG LADY
Miss Gawler
Father!
Gawler
... green trees. Eh, Mister Inman?
Inman
Oh, spiffing sir. Absolutely spiffing.
Settler 1
You hexellency, your honours, ladies and gentlemen.
Hit his hour honour to hask hyo to partake hof hafternoon
tea hinside the 'all.
Gawler
I beg your pardon?
Miss Gawler
They're inviting us for tea, daddy.
Gawler
Oh, I see. What's on then?
Settler 1
The husual, sir. Tea and damper, sir.
Mrs Sturt
Savages! I'll never get used to this country.
Capt. Sturt
Now now.
Mrs Sturt
Well my bum....
Capt. Sturt
(shouts) Bottom
GAWLER REACTS BUT SAYS NOTHING.
Mrs Sturt
Hurts too.
Capt. Sturt
Oh, do be quiet dear.
Miss Gawler
It's alright for you, Captain Sturt. You're used to galloping all over
the landscape exploring things. All the way from the Onkaparinga
side-saddle. It hurts our bums.
Inman
Bottoms!
Gawler
I beg your pardon?
Inman
Err... Nothing, your excellency.
Gawler
Why does everyone keep using that word?
Settler 5
Would you care to walk this way, you hexcellencies,
your honours, ladies and gentlemen?
SETTLER 5 LEADS THE WAY. SHE HAS A PRONOUNCED
LIMP. THE ENTIRE PARTY INCLUDING THE OTHER
SETTLERS LIMP OFF AFTER HER.
Gawler
They have some strange customs in the bush, don't you know?
Mrs Sturt
Savages!
Miss Gawler
My bum!
Inman
Bottom!
GAWLER GIVES HIM A HARD LOOK. THEY EXIT.
THE SETTLERS REMAIN ON AS THE VICE REGAL PARTY
GOES OFF AS THE LIGHTS FADE. LIGHTS UP ON SETTLERS
ONCE MORE AT WORK.
Settler 1
I'll tell you what though. It was hard to graft a living in those days.
We were all broke. Want to buy some mutton? Only twopence
a pound.
Settler 2
Aint got twopence. Want to buy some beef?
Settler 1
'ow much?
Settler 2
Only twopence a pound.
Settler 1
Aint got twopence.
Settler 2
Tell yer what....
Settler 1
What?
Settler 2
Swap yer.
Settler 1
Right!
Kid 1
A primitive barter system sprang up.
Kid 2
And that saved...
FANFARE.
All
Willunga!
Alf
They didn't barter beef for mutton you nincompoops!
Gertie
They bartered bread for meat. Candles for vegetables. Stuff like that.
Kid 1
Barter schmarter, what's the difference?
..
Yeah, what is the difference? Will the history of this beautiful part
of the world be perverted completely? Or will Alf and Gertie manage
to keep it on the rails? If you are interested in looking at the rest of
this script, send me a mail and I'll send you a copy.