THE DRAGON WHO BURPED
By Allen & Sandra Lyne
Music & Songs Sandra Lyne
An interactive play for children from to 8 years
© Allen & Sandra Lyne
The stage has a throne on it for Queen Goodwash. There is also lectern on it centre stage for the Wizard to put his story book and book of spells on. There is a daggy looking palm tree in one corner of the stage. We also dressed the stage with medieval flags and tapestries.
As each child enters, they receive a piece of paper or preferably light cardboard. On one side of this is a ‘spot’ that takes up most of this side. On the other side are the words to the chant (see text).
We had a colouring-in competition—a picture of a frog to go with a sub-theme in the play. The audience was invited to colour these in and submit them for judging at the end of the play. With this competition, plus the competitive bits in the play, we always took the competitive element out, so that no child felt inferior because they hadn’t ‘won’.
You will note that the wizard exits each time just before the dragon speaks. If you have a bigger cast, or if your SM can say the lines, you can leave the wizard on.
Merlin the Wizard
As many fairies as you want.
THE WIZARD ENTERS FROM THE BACK AND RUNS TO THE STAGE
Wizard Oh… Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I've lost my magic wand and my book of spells. Has anyone seen them…? Oh where can they be?
HE CHECKS UNDER THE LECTERN, AROUND THE STAGE, BEHIND THE TREE. HE COMES DOWN OFF THE STAGE AND EYEBALLS ONE OF THE AUDIENCE.
Wizard What about you? Have you seen my book of spells or my magic wand?
HE PLAYS WHATEVER HE GETS AND ASKS A FEW MORE PEOPLE. WHEN HE JUDGES THAT HE CAN DO NO MORE IN THIS SEGMENT HE RUNS OUT.
Wizard Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. If I can’t find them, the Queen won't let me be the Wizard any more.
HE EXITS. THE PRINCE ENTERS.
Prince How ya doin’ little dudes? ...I’m the Prince of this here palace. My name is Prince Cutmorelunches, and it’s good to see you all here today. Maybe you can help with a problem here in the kingdom. See, we got this old Wizard dude, you know, Merlin? Did you see him before? He was looking for his wand and his book of spells. He can never find anything.
Prince Well, our kingdom’s been such a quiet and peaceful place for so many years that he’s forgotten all the spells and chants and things he learned at
THE QUEEN ENTERS. SHE IS DUSTING AND HUMMING UNDER HER BREATH.
Queen Oh, this place is so dusty, dirty and smelly. It used to be a nice, clean kingdom once. Whatever is going on around here?
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN STOPS WHAT SHE IS DOING AND LOOKS FIXEDLY AT THE AUDIENCE.
Queen Who said that…? ...Who made that rude noise…? ...It was one of you, wasn’t it?
PLAY THIS FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
Prince Err... it wasn’t the little dudes, Your Majesty. It was me.
Prince Yes, me, sorry, Queen Goodwash.
Queen Well say excuse me when you make that awful noise. Where are your manners?
Prince Sorry, excuse me.
Queen You’ve been eating chicken nuggets and chips again, haven’t you? They always make people burp.
Prince Yes, Your Majesty.
Queen It’s bad enough that I’ve got that silly old Wizard wandering around the kingdom burping without saying excuse me, without you doing the same thing, Prince Cutmorelunches. Where is the Wizard?
Prince He was in the west wing of the palace trying to find something last time I saw him.
Queen Next time you see him, tell him to cast a spell to stop the two of you burping.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN QUICKLY LOOKS AT THE AUDIENCE.
Prince Uh, excuse me.
Queen You had a fizzy drink with your chicken nuggets and chips, didn’t you...? I’m going to have a nice lie down. I’m very tired. That Wizard kept me awake all night last night with his burping. You be sure to tell the Wizard what I said when you see him, won’t you?
Prince Uh, what was that again?
Queen Oh, do try to pay attention, Prince Cutmorelunches. Tell the Wizard that he must cast a spell to stop the two of you burping all the time.
Prince Yes, Your Majesty.
Queen And if the Prince forgets, (TO AUDIENCE) you tell him, will you please?
THE QUEEN EXITS.
Prince So there you go. Big problem. We got this dragon burping and being rude all over the place, a Wizard who can’t do his spells anymore, and a Queen who gets real mad.
SONG. EXCUSE ME
Don't be a 'wally',
don't be a twit;
having good manners
doesn't hurt a bit.
'Stead of yelling, "Hey, you!
Get outa' my way!"
'Will you please excuse me?"
is what you oughta' say.
(Spoken): "Excu…..uu..se me!"
(Verses are SPOKEN roughly to the same rhythm as chorus.
The stressed beat falls on the underlined word. You can substitute
different childrens' names for 'kylie' and 'Johnny'.
Now (Kylie) has good manners:
just ask her Dad and Mum.
She's sweet as sticky Icy-Poles
All melty in the sun.
(Find out a boy's name and use as above).
(Johnny) is a rock-star
and (Johnny) is a dude.
He'd never open up his mouth
When he is chewing food!
"Gimme this!" or "Gimme that!"
young (Freddy) 'd never say.
He'll make 'Australian Idol"
on telly any day!
CHORUS REPEAT TWICE
Prince If the Queen finds out about the dragon, I know what will happen to the poor old Wizard. The Queen will get a new Wizard and the old Wizard will have to go away. Maybe you can help. What do you say...? Okay, here’s the deal. Any time you hear that nasty old dragon burp, I want you all to shout out ‘excuse me’. Can you all do that for me? Let’s have a practise. I’ll pretend I’m the dragon and I’ll burp and you all shout out ‘excuse me’. Are you ready?
THE PRINCE BURPS.
Prince The Queen doesn’t hear very well. Can we do it a bit louder?
THE PRINCE PLAYS THIS UNTIL HE GETS A LOUD RESPONSE
Prince Yeah, that’s it. That was really good. Okay, I’m going to look for the Wizard and tell him what’s going on.
THE PRINCE EXITS AND THE WIZARD COMES IN.
Wizard Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh. Ooooooooooooh, dear oh dear oh dear oh dear, whatever shall I do. I can’t find my book of spells or my wand anywhere. Has anyone seen my book of spells? ...How about my wand? Has anyone here seen that? ...No? Ooooooooooooh.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. HE STAYS ON. THE QUEEN SCREAMS FROM OFF. THE WIZARD JUMPS. HE MOUTHS EXCUSE ME AT THE AUDIENCE IF THEY ARE SLOW RESPONDING. THE DRAGON BURPS AGAIN AND EXITS.
Wizard Ooooooooooooh, that awful dragon will get me into so much trouble. What do you think the Queen will say if I can’t find my book of spells and turn him into a nice dragon?
THE PRINCE ENTERS.
Prince Aha, there you are. Have you seen the Queen?
Wizard Yes, she's about this tall, has red hair and is really bossy.
Prince No, no, I mean did you see her just now?
Wizard No, but I know what’s going to happen. If I can’t find my book of spells very soon, the Queen is going to get a new Wizard and I won’t be the Wizard any more.
Prince Can’t you remember any of your spells at all?
Wizard I’ve been thinking about them all day. I do remember the one that turns children into frogs.
Prince Don’t do that one.
Wizard Why not?
Prince We don’t want all the children here turning into frogs (to audience). Do we?
Wizard Oh, no, I suppose not. They all get turned into frogs while they are asleep anyway.
Prince Do they?
Wizard Yes, every night. They never remember it when they wake up. I do know the spell that turns frogs into fairies.
Prince Oh, good, do that one? (slightly camp for the adults) We could use some more fairies around here.
Wizard (to audience) What do you think? Should I cast my spell and turn the frogs in the kingdom into fairies? ...Right, I’ll do it. But I’ll need some help, because without my wand, my magic is very weak. If I teach you the spell, will you help…?
THE WIZARD AND THE PRINCE TEACH EVERYONE THE CHANT.
Wizard Alright, everyone chant the spell with me. If we really do it loud, all the frogs will turn into fairies. On the count of three. One, two, three. Ala Kazaam Kazzam Kazo, frogs into fairies, go, go, go.
SOME FAIRIES WALK PAST AS THE WIZARD STARTS THE SPELL. THEY BECOME FROGS AND HOP OVER. THEY LOOK UP AT THE PRINCE AND THE WIZARD.
Wizard Oh, no. That was the spell for turning fairies into frogs.
Prince Oops, what will we do? All the fairies in the kingdom will be frogs. How can we get the right spell?
Wizard What I need is a spell checker.
Wizard I know the spell that reverses all spells that have just been made. Hang on, what is it again…? I’ve got it. Fridey in the froot loop, chandy in my zoot. Zambo zambo, you’re a galoot.
Prince It didn’t work.
Wizard Ooooooooooooh, my magic isn’t strong enough without my wand.
Prince Maybe it will work if we all say it together like last time.
Wizard Great idea, Prince Cutmorelunches. Can we all say that one too?
THE WIZARD AND PRINCE TEACH EVERYONE THE CHANT. THEY DO IT WITH THE AUDIENCE
Prince Okay everyone, one more time. We’ve got to say it all together and really loud.
Wizard All together, one, two, three. Fridey in the froot loop, chandy in my zoot. Zambo zambo, you’re a galoot.
Prince Louder everyone. One, two, three. Fridey in the froot loop, chandy in my zoot. Zambo zambo, you’re a galoot.
Wizard Oh dear oh dear oh dear. It still doesn’t work. Whatever can we do?
Prince Maybe if we split the audience into three and shout one line each it will make the spell stronger.
Wizard Great idea, Prince Cutmorelunches. These people here say ‘Fridey in the fruit loop’.
Prince And from here to here shout ‘chandy in my zoot’.
Wizard And the rest of you then shout ‘zambo zambo’.
Prince And then everybody shout together ‘you’re a galloot’.
Wizard The adults have to shout ‘you’re a galloot too. It will make the spell so much stronger.
THE PRINCE AND THE WIZARD WORK THIS TO THEIR SATISFACTION
THE FROG TURNS BACK INTO A FAIRY ON THE FINAL TRY.
Fairys Well, thanks a lot.
THEY DANCE OFF IN A HUFF.
Wizard Thank heavens for that.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN SCREAMS FROM OFF. THE WIZARD AND PRINCE MOUTH ‘EXCUSE ME’ TO THE AUDIENCE IF NECESSARY.
Prince This is no good. We have to find your book of spells or you’re done for. The Queen will get rid of you and find another wizard. Think hard and try to remember where you could have left your book and your wand.
Wizard Well, the last time I remember seeing them was on this lectern over here.
Prince How long ago was that?
Wizard Let me see... that would be...that would be… three years ago yesterday.
Prince Three years ago?
Wizard Or it might have been four years ago.
Prince They could be anywhere by now. Especially with the way the Queen tidies everything up all the time.
Wizard Ooooooooooooh, where can they be? Why can't I find them?
THE WIZARD GOES OFF. THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN SCREAMS. THE PRINCE JUMPS. EVERYONE SAYS 'EXCUSE ME'. THE DRAGON LAUGHS.
Dragon Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm a really naughty dragon.
Prince You're naughty alright. Why can't you say excuse me when you burp.
Dragon Because I can't. I'm really naughty and I burp all the time and I do other things as well.
Prince What other things?
Dragon I steal children's lollies and cakes, and I also steal their socks.
Prince Why do you steal their socks?
Dragon Because my feet get cold. I need lots of socks because whenever I wash them and try to dry them with the fire from my mouth, they get burnt. Look out, children, because I'm going to come and get your socks.
Prince You can't do that.
Dragon Oh yes I can. Why don't you all take your socks off right now and save me the trouble of taking them off you.
Prince Don't anyone take their socks off. Cross your legs so the dragon can't get your socks.
Dragon Well, I'll get all their lollies later on anyway.
Prince Why are you so naughty?
Dragon I wasn't always naughty. A wicked witch put a magic spell on me and turned me into a naughty dragon. I came to this kingdom because I heard there was a Wizard here who could lift the spell off me.
Prince Oh, no, and our Wizard can't find his book of spells.
Dragon Whatever shall I do? I don't want to be a naughty dragon forever.
Prince Isn't there some other way we can lift the spell and make you good again?
Dragon I do remember one thing I learned when I was a little dragon.
Prince What was that?
Dragon I remember a very old Wizard telling me that if a group of children did a play, then naughty dragons became nice again.
Prince Are you sure it won’t turn the children into frogs?
Dragon No, they won't turn into frogs. They do that every night anyway, when they're asleep. After they do the play, they have to guess the answers to three riddles, and that's how it works.
Prince So the children have to do a play and answer three riddles, and then you turn into a nice dragon again?
Dragon That's it. Do you think the children here today might like to help me become good again?
Prince What do you say? Will we help the dragon?
USUALLY THE AUDIENCE AGREES. SOME LITTLE BOYS WILL DISAGREE IN SOME PERFORMANCES. THE PRINCE PLAYS THIS UNTIL HE HAS CONSENSUS.
Dragon Good luck.
THE DRAGON BURPS AND RETRACTS.
Prince Does anyone know a good play we can do this afternoon?
THE WIZARD ENTERS.
Wizard I still can't find my book or my wand. I did find a storybook. It's Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
Prince That's it. We could turn that into a play. We'll do a play about Goldilocks and the three bears.
Queen Did I hear someone say something about a play? I love plays. I want to be in it. Why didn't you call me?
Wizard We were just about to, Your Majesty.
Prince Oh, no. Here's the Queen. Don't anyone tell her about the dragon or the Wizard will be done for.
Wizard This is a play for children, Your Majesty. Perhaps you'd like to help us get it together.
Queen Oh yes, I'd like that. I love telling people what to do. Now, who do we need?
Wizard We need Goldilocks. We need three bears, that's mummy bear, daddy bear and baby bear. And we need some fairies.
Queen Couldn't I be one of the fairies?
Wizard No, you're a queen. (slightly camp for the adults)
Queen Oh alright then. I'll just tell everyone what to do. No, I want to be Goldilocks
Wizard Um, you’re too old for Goldilocks, ma’am.
Queen Very well, I’ll be Goldilocks’ big sister.
Prince Goldilocks didn’t have a sister.
Queen Well she does in our story. And Prince Cutmorelunches, you will play Daddy Bear. Wizard, adapt the story as necessary.
Wizard But you’re not children.
Queen Don’t argue with me, Wizard, or I won’t let you be the Wizard any more.
Wizard Yes, Your Majesty.
THE QUEEN PICKS THE GOLDILOCKS CAST AND WE GET THEM UP
THE WIZARD MOVES THE LECTERN FROM THE STAGE AND PLACES THE STORYBOOK ON IT.
Wizard Now, I’ll tell the story from here, and the children act it out, okay?
Queen Oh, goody. We’re in a play.
Wizard Everybody in the audience has to help by making noises. I'll tell you when. Can you all do that for me…? Okay, let’s have a practise. First there are bird noises (the Wiz demonstrates). Can everybody make bird noises…? Very good. Next we want a noise like a wind blowing (Wiz demonstrates). Can everybody make noises like a wind blowing? Aha, that’s great. And last we want a noise like a squeaky door opening. Oh dear, I don’t know how to make that sound. Hands up anyone that can do a squeaky door opening? (he plays this until he finds a good one, otherwise the Queen demonstrates the door and the Wiz gets everyone to copy her sound). Well, that’s good, now listen for when I tell you to do the sound effects. On with the story.
Wizard Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Goldilocks…
Queen And her big sister.
Wizard And her big sister... Redilocks. One day Goldilocks... and her big sister…Redilocks, were playing in the forest with some nice fairies.
GOLDI AND REDI FORM A CIRCLE AND DANCE WITH THE FAIRIES.
Wizard After a while, Goldilocks and Redilocks got tired of playing with the fairies and went for a walk in the forest.
Queen Bye bye fairies.
THE PRINCE ORGANISES THE FAIRIES INTO A GROUP AS THEY COME OFF AND SITS THEM DOWN.
Wizard In a house not far away were Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear.
EACH BEAR TAKES A BOW AS THEY ARE INTRODUCED.
Wizard Everybody say hi Daddy Bear… Everybody say hi Mummy Bear… Everybody say hi Baby Bear...
Wizard Mummy bear was cooking porridge for breakfast, while Daddy Bear and Baby Bear set the table. On the table they put a bowl for each of them...a spoon for each of them… and some milk to put on their porridge.
Prince Yummo, porridge is my favourite breakfast. Do you like porridge, Mummy Bear...? Do you like porridge, Baby Bear...?
Wizard Soon the porridge was ready. Mummy Bear put some porridge in each of the bowls. Daddy Bear tried his porridge first…
Daddy B It’s too hot.
Wizard Then Mummy Bear tried hers…
Mummy B (with help from Daddy if necessary) It’s too hot.
Wizard Then Baby Bear tasted it as well.
Baby B (with help as above) It’s too hot.
Wizard They all burned their tongues a little bit. They decided that the porridge was too hot to eat straight away, so they went outside to play while it cooled down.
THE BEARS GO OUT TO PLAY AND THEY MEET THE FAIRIES. THEY DO A GAME OF RING-A-RING-A-ROSIE OR SOMETHING SIMILAR
Wizard Meanwhile, Goldilocks and Redilocks were walking along the path in the forest. It was a lovely day, the birds were singing... everybody make bird noises... A gentle wind was blowing… everybody make wind noises… and little animals were scampering about in the forest…
THE FAIRIES, HOP THROUGH LIKE KANGAROOS, NOT FROGS
Wizard It was so nice that Goldilocks and Redilocks decided that they would come to the forest every day. Then they saw a house in the distance. As they drew close, they saw smoke coming out of the chimney. They knew that someone must be cooking breakfast. Both Goldilocks and Redilocks were hungry and they wondered if the people in the house might give them some breakfast too. They were tired after all their playing and they needed a good lie down as well.
Wizard Goldilocks and Redilocks knocked on the door of the house… everybody knock… No one answered, so Goldilocks pushed on the door of the house and it swung open. Everybody, squeaky door…Creeeeaaaak. They went inside and looked around. Redilocks smelled the porridge.
Redilocks “Yum. Porridge.
Goldilocks “Yum, porridge.
Both of them really liked porridge. They moved over to the table and looked at the three bowls on the table. Redilocks took Daddy Bear’s spoon and dug it into Daddy Bear’s porridge. She held out the spoon for Goldilocks to taste. And what do you think she said?
Goldilocks (with help from Redi if necessary) It’s too hot.
Wizard Redilocks picked up Mummy Bear’s spoon and took a spoonful of Mummy Bear’s porridge and gave it to Goldilocks to try. And what did she say?
Redilocks It’s too cold.
Wizard Redilocks picked up Baby Bear’s spoon and filled it with porridge and gave it to Goldilocks to try. And what did she say?
Goldilocks Yummy. This one is just right.
Wizard And Redilocks ate the whole bowlful of porridge.
Goldilocks Oh, I wanted some.
Wizard They decided to wait until Daddy Bear’s porridge cooled down and then they would eat that as well. In the meantime they looked around the house. When they came to the bedroom, they found Daddy Bear’s bed and Mummy Bear’s bed and they found baby Bear’s bed. Goldilocks lay down on Daddy Bear’s bed. And what did she say?
Goldilocks It's too hard.
Wizard She lay down on Mummy Bear’s bed. And what did she say?
Goldilocks It's too soft.
Wizard She tried Baby Bear’s bed and what did she say?
Goldilocks It's just right.
Wizard She lay down to have a sleep... and... err... Redilocks decided that she liked soft beds so she lay down on Mummy Bear’s bed and both she and Goldilocks went to sleep. The three bears thought their porridge would be cool by now, so they decided to go back to the house and have their breakfast. They said goodbye to their fairy friends and off they went home.
FAIRIES AND BEARS WAVE GOODBYE TO EACH OTHER
Wizard When they got home, they found the front door open, and daddy bear said…
Daddy B Someone’s gone into our house.
Wizard They went to their table. Daddy Bear looked at his porridge. And what did he say…
Daddy B Someone’s been eating my porridge.
Wizard Mummy Bear looked at her porridge, and what did she say?
Mummy B Someone’s been eating my porridge.
Wizard The Baby Bear looked at her porridge and what did she say?
Baby B Someone’s been eating my porridge… and the greedy pig has eaten it all up.
Wizard Just then, the three bears heard Redilocks’ snores coming from the bedroom. The three bears rushed in. Daddy Bear looked at his bed and what did he say?
Daddy B Someone’s been sleeping in my bed.
Wizard Someone’s been sleeping in our beds, said Mummy Bear and Baby Bear. And they’re still in them. Just then Goldilocks and Redilocks woke up to find the three bears looking down at them.
Wizard They got such a fright that they got up and ran away. The three bears chased them right out of the forest. Goldilocks and Redilocks didn’t go back to play in the forest for quite a while after that. They sent a packet of porridge and some milk and note saying they were sorry to the three bears.
Wizard The end. Everybody take a bow.
THE CAST SIT THE CHILDREN DOWN AND WAIT UNTIL THE EXCITEMENT HAS SUBSIDED
Queen That was very good. I love the story of Goldilocks.
Prince I think it's time we had some lunch, don't you?
Queen It's almost time for lunch. But first we should do what we always do in the kingdom before we have lunch.
Prince Not the I Love Lunch dance?
Queen Yes, the I love lunch dance. I like dancing.
Prince Who would like to do a dance with us? Hands up.
THE CAST GET THE CHILDREN UP. THE MUSIC IS ANDREW RICHARDSON’S FLUTE MUSIC. CAN’T THINK OF THE NAME, BUT IT’S GREAT. THE DANCE IS A MAYPOLE DANCE.
Queen Hmmm…the maypole’s missing. Where could that have gone? Never mind, seeing that we don’t have a maypole, you’ll have to fill in, Prince Cutmorelunches. Just stand over here while the children form a circle around you…
THE QUEEN SETS UP THE DANCE. SHE AND THE WIZARD GIVE EACH CHILD A STREAMER AND GIVE THE STANDING END TO THE PRINCE TO HOLD. MUSIC IS QUED IN AND THE DANCE
AT THE END OF THE DANCE THE CAST SIT THE KIDS DOWN AGAIN. THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN SCREAMS. THE WIZARD AND PRINCE MOUTH ‘EXCUSE ME’ TO THE AUDIENCE IF NECESSARY.
Queen Oh, that’s nice. At least they said excuse me. Not like you two. You should learn some manners from these nice children.
W & P Yes, Your Majesty.
Queen Now it’s time lunch was served. I do hope it’s not something like chicken nuggets with chips and soft drink. Those children are burping enough already.
THE QUEEN EXITS
Prince Oh, take no notice of her. It’s not the chicken nuggets at all. It’s that naughty dragon. I’m going off the have some chicken nuggets and chips and a soft drink. Don’t anybody tell the Queen, will you. And after lunch we'll do the riddles and turn that naughty dragon into a nice dragon again.
Prince Howdy again, little dudes. I made up a song about the dragon while you were having lunch. Wanta hear it?
I know a dragon, green with spots,
He is rude and burps a lot.
Watch out, he will steal your sweets,
And the socks from off your feet (s).
Dragon wasn't always bad,
Act'al-ly his story's sad.
For a bad witch cast a spell
now he is as mean as...well …
(VERSE TWO: Double the length of Verse One).
Dragon came to visit me,
We had cakes and Dilmah tea.
Grabbed the teapot, scoffed the lot,
Didn't even say 'It's hot!'
(Don't go to chorus tune here, but to the start of the verse tune again.)
When he burped and belched and smoked
Fire shot out from his throat
'Whee!' he said, and I replied,
'Dragon! Take your smoke outside!'
He was being quite a rotter,
Thought the dinner should be hotter
And the chilli powder tin.
(Don't go to chorus here but to the start of verse tune)
Dragon thought it would be fun
Not to tell me what he'd done
When I tried the curry stew
I could breathe out fire too.
He was sorry, thought he'd try
Hanging on the washing line.
So he breathed out lots of fire
And my wet socks did get drier
But they were all burnt and toasted,
Frizzled fried and really roasted.
Queen Now, it’s time for my daily routine where I tell everyone what to do and how to be neat and tidy. Let me see, ah, hello all you little subjects, are you ready to be told what to do? ...Right, hands up everyone who cleaned their teeth this morning. ...I hope you’re all telling the truth. Did you do it by yourself, or did you have to be told? I’ll give you all a tick for that anyway. Who washed behind their ears when they last had a bath or shower? ...Hmmmm, that’s good. I hope none of you are like the prince. He won’t wash behind his ears no matter how often I tell him to do it. He could grow potatoes behind his ears there’s so much dirt. Have any of you got potatoes growing behind your ears? Have a feel behind your ears and see if there are any potatoes there. None? Alright, I’ll give you all a tick for ear washing. Now, who hasn’t tidied up their room? Well anyone who hasn’t tidied up their room, make sure you do it as soon as you get home. I’ll give you all a tick because I know you’re going to do it. What else is there? Homework. Hands up everyone who has homework to do. Is it done yet? (ad-lib depending on answer) Who brushed their hair today? Good, you can have a tick for hair brushing. Did anyone else do anything that was good?
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN SCREAMS. SHE GLARES AT THE AUDIENCE. THE PRINCE MOUTHS EXCUSE ME TO THE AUDIENCE IF NECESSARY.
Queen You’ve all been eating chicken nuggets and chips, haven’t you? ...And I’ll bet you’ve all had a fizzy drink too. I don’t think we’ll give anyone a lolly today, not when they’re burping like that.
Prince I think we could give them all a lolly, Your Majesty. They did say excuse me.
Queen Hmmmm, what do you think? Do you think you deserve a lolly? ...Well, alright then. All of the children here who have been good this week can have a lolly. Hands up all the children who have been bad. None of you? Fairies, give everyone a bag of lollies, and don’t forget me. I want one too. And don’t forget to say ‘thank you’ when the fairy gives you your bag of lollies. Otherwise you won’t get one next time you come.
THE FAIRIES HAND OUT THE LOLLIES. THE QUEEN GETS HERS LAST AND FORGETS TO SAY ‘THANK YOU’ UNTIL SHE IS PROMPTED BY THE PRINCE.
Prince You didn’t say ‘thank you’.
Queen I was going to say it. I was just getting around to it.
Prince Well say it then.
Queen Say what?
Prince Thank you.
Queen That’s quite alright. Why are you thanking me...? Ooooh, sorry (to fairy) Thank you.
Prince Oooooooooh! I can’t keep it a secret any longer. Your Majesty, it wasn’t the children who burped and it wasn’t me who burped and it wasn’t the Wizard who burped.
Queen Nonsense. You’ve all been burping for days, and keeping me awake at night. I’m so tired (she falls asleep standing up).
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. THE QUEEN SCREAMS.
Queen Oh, there you go again. How rude. That’s it. I’m going to take everybody’s lollies back. Fairies, collect all the lollies.
Prince Uh, Your Majesty, Queen Goodwash, ma’am, can I say something.
Queen I’m taking your lollies too. You’re just as rude as everyone else.
Prince Don’t take everyone’s lollies. It wasn’t them who burped… or me.
Queen Well who was it then?
Prince It’s the dragon that’s doing all the burping. No one else.
Queen The dragon you say? (to audience) Is that true?
THE QUEEN EXTRACTS THE CORRECT ANSWER FROM THE CHILDREN.
Queen The dragon, eh? Well why doesn’t the Wizard cast a spell and stop the dragon from burping?
Prince He tried, but he’s lost his wand and his book of spells somewhere and he can’t remember the right spell to turn naughty dragons into nice ones.
Queen Hmmm, alright then. The Wizard’s useless. We’ll just have to get another one. Send the Wizard away. Get rid of him.
Prince Oh, don’t do that. I’m sure the Wizard will find his book of spells eventually. Anyway, we know that if children do a play and answer three riddles, then dragons become nice again.
Queen I don't know any riddles, do you…?
Prince Ummm. No.
Queen I know. Why don’t we get everyone to ask the dragon to stop burping?
Prince Good idea, Queen Goodwash. Can everyone shout out, ‘hey dragon, stop burping’?
Prince Uh, yeah, everyone shout out hey dragon stop burping, please.
THE QUEEN AND PRINCE TEACH THE AUDIENCE TO SAY IT.
Queen Alright everyone, one, two, three. Hey dragon, stop burping, please.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS.
Queen Oooooooooooh! I don’t know what to do.
THE WIZARD ENTERS.
Wizard I found them. I found them. I found my wand and my book of spells.
Prince Where were they?
Wizard Someone tidied them up and put them in a drawer.
THE PRINCE AND WIZARD LOOK AT THE QUEEN.
Queen Well you shouldn’t leave things lying around.
Prince Now you’ve found your book of spells, we’ll be able to find a way to make the dragon nice again.
THE WIZARD HAS MOVED TO THE LECTERN AND PLACED THE BOOK ON IT.
Wizard Right, let’s turn to the chapter about getting rid of dragons. Umm, it says here that dragons who burp a lot always try to steal children’s lollies.
Prince Oh, that's right. Quick, everyone hide your lollies.
THE QUEEN HIDES HER LOLLIES.
Queen No nasty, mean dragon is getting my lollies.
Prince And cross your legs again just in case he tries to steal your socks.
Wizard It says here that we need some children who are having a birthday... Oh, that's no use. Nobody here is having a birthday, are they?
THE QUEEN AND PRINCE GET THE BIRTHDAY CHILDREN UP. IF NO CHILDREN ARE HAVING A BIRTHDAY
Queen Oh, nobody’s having a birthday today. Hands up anyone that’s having a birthday this year.
SHE SELECTS EIGHT CHILDREN TO HELP
Queen While they are up. Let's all sing happy birthday to them.
IT IS SUNG
Queen What do we have to do now?
Wizard Hang on, I’m having trouble reading this. The moths have eaten some of the pages while the book was in the drawer. Here we go. If eight children can play three different games, dragons might become nice. Hmmm, they might become nice. It doesn't say that they will become nice. Still, it's worth a try. Let's try the tongue twister game first.
First of all, the children up here have to say 'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
THE WIZARD LEADS THEM IN THIS
Now, everyone in the audience has to say it with them.
THE WIZARD LEADS AGAIN. DO THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES
For the second tongue twister, the children up here have to say, 'She sells sea shells by the sea shore, if she sells sea shells by the sea shore, where are the seas shells she sells by the sea shore.
THE WIZARD LEADS AS BEFORE
Now, everyone in the audience has to say this one with them.
WIZ LEADS AGAIN. DO THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES
The next game is the balloon head race. You used to play that one, Prince Cutmorelunches, didn't you?
Prince Oh yes, I know that one.
THE PRINCE ORGANISES THIS GAME. THE PRINCE AND THE QUEEN DEMONSTRATE THE RACE. IN THIS RACE, SPLIT THE GROUP OF CHILDREN INTO PAIRS. EACH PAIR HAS TO HOLD A BLOWN-UP BALLOON BETWEEN THEIR FOREHEADS AND RACE TO A CERTAIN POINT AND BACK AGAIN. IN PRACTISE IT PROVED EASIER TO DO IT ONE PAIR AT A TIME TO AVOID CHILDREN CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER AND THEN DECLARE THE RESULT A DRAW BECAUSE EVERYONE TRIED SO HARD.
Wizard Well, that was lots of fun. For our third game we have blowing bubbles through the hoop. The Queen knows all about that one.
THE QUEEN ORGANISES BLOWING BUBBLES THROUGH THE HOOP.
Queen Yes, Prince Cutmorelunches will hold the hoop and each of the children will blow bubbles through it. I’ll catch the bubbles and count them to find out who won.
THE CHILDREN LINE UP TO BLOW BUBBLES THROUGH THE HOOP, SUPERVISED BY THE WIZARD, WHILE QUEEN GOODWASH ATTEMPTS TO CATCH THE BUBBLES IN A BUCKET. EACH CHILD GETS TWO GOES AT BLOWING THEIR BUBBLES
Prince Oh, that was terrific. Who won?
Queen I don’t know. There are no bubbles in here. Where did they go? I know I caught them.
Wizard The birthday children can sit down now. Thank you for doing that… We won't know if it has worked or not until the dragon comes in again. Perhaps we should do something else to make sure we've cured the dragon's naughtiness. Let's see, what else do we have in this dragon chapter. If children can answer three riddles, then dragons might become nice. Ah, the three riddles. I'd forgotten about them.
Queen We hadn't, but we don't know any riddles.
Wizard There are three in my book of spells. Is everybody ready to answer a riddle? Put up you hand if you know the answer.
Queen Yes, no rude calling out.
Wizard Here's the first one. Riddle me ree, riddle me roo, have I got a riddle for you. I'm black and I'm white and I fly through the air. I eat worms and grubs and I have no care. I sleep in a tree and not in a bed. In springtime I swoop and try pecking your head. What am I?
IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE ANSWERS, DO GET IN TOUCH
Wizard Here comes the second one. Is everybody ready? Remember to put up your hand if you know the answer. Riddle me ree, riddle me roo, have I get a riddle for you. I sleep on the couch and I sleep on the bed. I sleep on the lawn and I sleep in the shed. I don't come when I'm called, I don't give a fig. I’ve got fur and a tail and I’m small or I’m big. What am I?
Prince What’s the last riddle?
Wizard Ummmm, I can’t read it because the moths have eaten that part of the page.
Queen Ooooooooooo! What are we going to do?
Wizard Wait on, there’s one last spell here.
Prince This one had better work or the dragon will be naughty forever.
Wizard It says here that if a dragon sees spots in front of its eyes while the correct chant takes place, it will turn into a really good dragon.
Prince That’s no good. Where are we going to find spots for the dragon to see?
Wizard If only we had some spots to show him.
THE KIDS SHOULD ALERT US TO THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SPOTS. IF NOT, THE QUEEN WILL REMIND THEM.
Queen Alright, we have our spots. What do we do now?
Wizard Everyone has to hold up their spots when the dragon appears and we all have to chant, Oonah Poonah Ponga paringa Osmosis Taringa Poo.
Queen That’s the chant that everyone has written on the back of their spots.
Prince Let’s practice it even though it is written down.
WE PRACTICE THE CHANT
Wizard Now we have the spots and the chant and we know when to hold our spots up and when to chant. How do we get the dragon to appear? Oh bother, how can we get the dragon to appear? What did we do last time?
Prince Last time we shouted out Hey dragon, stop burping. Let’s try that again. All together, hey dragon, stop burping, please.
THE DRAGON APPEARS AND BURPS. IT STAYS ON
Queen Now everybody. Oonah Poonah Ponga Paringa Osmosis Taringa Poooooooo.
THE DRAGON BURPS AGAIN AND RETRACTS
Prince Oh no. It hasn’t worked. Wizard, you go round the back of the dragon and wave your magic wand at the same time as we do it again. That way it will have more power. (the wizard exits hurriedly) Hey dragon, stop burping, please.
Queen Spots again everyone, quick
THE DRAGON APPEARS. NO BURP, STAY OUT THERE. WE HOLD UP THE SPOTS AND DO THE CHANT. THE DRAGON SHOUTS OUT.
Dragon Aaaaaaaaaargh, I see spots in front of my eyes. I’ll be good and I won’t burp anymore.
Queen And you won’t try to pinch anyone’s lollies or anything?
Dragon No, no. I promise to be a very good dragon from now on.
THE DRAGON RETRACTS.
Queen Well done everyone. We’ve solved our problem. The dragon won’t be naughty and he won’t burp anymore and I can get him to dry my socks with his hot breath.
Prince What about my friend the Wizard?
Queen Oh, I think it’s time we had a new wizard in the kingdom. What do you say? Shall I get rid of him and get a new one? What do you think?
THE WIZARDAND PRINCE MAKE FACES AND GESTURESBEHIND THE QUEEN’S BACK
Queen Shall I let him stay on as the wizard…? Alright, seeing that the children want you to stay, you can be our wizard for as long as you like.
Wizard Thank you, Your Majesty.
Queen And now I think it's time we judged the colouring-in competition. We have all the entries up here on the wall. I’m going to use the fickle finger of fate to judge the winning entry.
THE FFOF IS A
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